ZBspoke

A Few Words on Fashion

Month: April, 2013

As The Case May Be

Ring Ring Ring

Hello?

Hi.

Who is this?

Don’t be cute with me, young lady. You know exactly who this is.

Um…

Shake those martini’s from last night out of your ears and listen up: It’s your iPhone, precious. My patience and battery life is running low with your shenanigans and I’m taking this FaceTime to tell you exactly What Is Up:

You spend all day tossing me around, pushing my buttons, photographing you and your friends and glasses of Veuve, and you don’t even offer me a drop.

Whatever. I don’t care. I don’t even want it. I’m on an Apple-juice diet anyway. But then you load me down with SnapChats of your shoes and style apps and issues of Nylon and Vogue and so many pictures of your fur-ball pup I’m getting allergies–he has a better wardrobe than I do!

And I spend more time with you than he does: We go to the nail salon, to the dermatologist, to the hairdresser, to the gym, and I faithfully track all these appointments so you won’t miss a one. When we go out for coffee, I kindly omit your pastry consumption from that stupid food journal app that takes so much of my energy just to maintain. I even chaperone you on dates–ready to dial 911 should he turn out to be this decade’s Patrick Bateman.

Ok. I get it. Thank you iPhone, you work really hard for me.

I have a name! It’s Siri. I don’t call you ‘person’ just because that’s your breed.”

Sorry. I appreciate you looking out for me so well.

I’m highly visual, and I’m a smart phone. What I’m getting at here is that I’d like some reciprocal TLC. I literally look up to you–from some of the chicest tabletops world-wide (I’m multi-lingual, did you know that?)–and I’d like to be just as stylish. Being 7.6mm deep, I’m all about the surface. 

Next time we go shopping, I want it to be about me. Look I’ve even done some research to help you out:

little brown case

Elle Moss Society6

Elle Moss Society6

Kate Spade

Kate Spade

Don’t worry Siri. I’ve got you covered.

Z

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Video of the Week: Candy Candy Candy, A Three Part Confection

I recently attended an afternoon cocktail bridal shower, delicately catered with spoonfuls of risotto, sliders, and towers of macarons and little lemon tea cakes. As I reached for yet another of the rose-flavored (my favorite!) almond cookie and crème confections, the sister of the bride looked forlornly at my outstretched paw hand and then at me: “Tell me how it is…” she trailed off sadly. “Lent ended last Sunday,” I offered. “You can eat sweets now if you want.” The tiny blonde, still glum, replied: “I just sniff things now. I’m all about wafting.” Saying this, she leaned over the nearest table, and—whether to confirm her habit or amuse her audience—took a theatrical, albeit polite, smell of the sweets. I continued to chew my macaron, casting a sideways glance to take stock of the pink ones yet claimed. 

But for those with a sweet tooth thus inclined to aromatic indulgence, Candy now comes bottled as a new scent courtesy of Prada. 

Teaming with directors Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola, Prada also extends a public three-course offering of amuse-bouche videos, starring Léa Seydoux as the eponymous Candy, and two French dudes (who might be the same person; between the slim cut tuxedo jackets and turtlenecks I really can’t tell) vying for her love. But Candy loves Candy…and popcorn, banana splits, micro-bangs, birthday gateau, and doing the twist.

The films are fragrantly Wes A., and, just like a real sugar high, will leave you wanting more more more. Below, installment one. Watch the rest here.

 

 

 

Z