As The Case May Be

Ring Ring Ring

Hello?

Hi.

Who is this?

Don’t be cute with me, young lady. You know exactly who this is.

Um…

Shake those martini’s from last night out of your ears and listen up: It’s your iPhone, precious. My patience and battery life is running low with your shenanigans and I’m taking this FaceTime to tell you exactly What Is Up:

You spend all day tossing me around, pushing my buttons, photographing you and your friends and glasses of Veuve, and you don’t even offer me a drop.

Whatever. I don’t care. I don’t even want it. I’m on an Apple-juice diet anyway. But then you load me down with SnapChats of your shoes and style apps and issues of Nylon and Vogue and so many pictures of your fur-ball pup I’m getting allergies–he has a better wardrobe than I do!

And I spend more time with you than he does: We go to the nail salon, to the dermatologist, to the hairdresser, to the gym, and I faithfully track all these appointments so you won’t miss a one. When we go out for coffee, I kindly omit your pastry consumption from that stupid food journal app that takes so much of my energy just to maintain. I even chaperone you on dates–ready to dial 911 should he turn out to be this decade’s Patrick Bateman.

Ok. I get it. Thank you iPhone, you work really hard for me.

I have a name! It’s Siri. I don’t call you ‘person’ just because that’s your breed.”

Sorry. I appreciate you looking out for me so well.

I’m highly visual, and I’m a smart phone. What I’m getting at here is that I’d like some reciprocal TLC. I literally look up to you–from some of the chicest tabletops world-wide (I’m multi-lingual, did you know that?)–and I’d like to be just as stylish. Being 7.6mm deep, I’m all about the surface. 

Next time we go shopping, I want it to be about me. Look I’ve even done some research to help you out:

Elle Moss Society6

Kate Spade

Don’t worry Siri. I’ve got you covered.

Z

Video of the Week: Candy Candy Candy, A Three Part Confection

I recently attended an afternoon cocktail bridal shower, delicately catered with spoonfuls of risotto, sliders, and towers of macarons and little lemon tea cakes. As I reached for yet another of the rose-flavored (my favorite!) almond cookie and crème confections, the sister of the bride looked forlornly at my outstretched paw hand and then at me: “Tell me how it is…” she trailed off sadly. “Lent ended last Sunday,” I offered. “You can eat sweets now if you want.” The tiny blonde, still glum, replied: “I just sniff things now. I’m all about wafting.” Saying this, she leaned over the nearest table, and—whether to confirm her habit or amuse her audience—took a theatrical, albeit polite, smell of the sweets. I continued to chew my macaron, casting a sideways glance to take stock of the pink ones yet claimed. 

But for those with a sweet tooth thus inclined to aromatic indulgence, Candy now comes bottled as a new scent courtesy of Prada. 

Teaming with directors Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola, Prada also extends a public three-course offering of amuse-bouche videos, starring Léa Seydoux as the eponymous Candy, and two French dudes (who might be the same person; between the slim cut tuxedo jackets and turtlenecks I really can’t tell) vying for her love. But Candy loves Candy…and popcorn, banana splits, micro-bangs, birthday gateau, and doing the twist.

The films are fragrantly Wes A., and, just like a real sugar high, will leave you wanting more more more. Below, installment one. Watch the rest here.

 

 

 

Z

Get the Look: the Carrie Bag

In this week’s pilot episode of the CW’s The Carrie Diaries, a teenage Carrie Bradshaw goes bananas when her Joy-Division-listening, black-rubber-bracelet-sporting kleptomaniac little sister ‘Dorrit’ (what kind of name is that anyway?) steals their recently-departed mother’s purse and spills nail polish all over it.

AnaSophia Robb still needs to work on her character quirks—she hasn’t gotten the shrill Carrie scream with which SJP defined the older Bradshaw’s hissy fits—but she managed a mangled YOU RUINED MOM’S PURSE missive towards little Dorrit as she stomped away in her Keds. With age, Bradshaw will learn that the exiting staccato of a Manolo Blahnik heel makes a sharper impression on the source of offense.

But girls like Carrie don’t get mad—they get stylish. With a little nail polish and a little wit, she salvages her mom’s purse and assures Dorritt won’t ever be able to “borrow” it again, since she scrawls “Carrie” over it in rather large script. Rather telling of her future as a self-centered, name-plate-necklace-wearing columnist/author, huh?

And I, in a similar bout of literary egotism, saw the bag and thought what good material for my blog!! I too am fond of putting my name and initials any-and-everywhere I can.

SO, to get an accessory you’ll want to ‘Carrie’ everywhere (it wouldn’t be a SaTC-themed post if there weren’t a pun, right?) you will need:

• a handbag/wallet/etc
• nail polish
• brushes (optional)
• a soundtrack of New Order and Madonna (not optional. Both “Temptation” and “Lucky Star,” however, are recommended.) 

Tips:

• If you have a fresh manicure, wear some disposable latex gloves.
• Put newspaper or some sort of protective surface down, splatter painting is not a controlled activity (duh).

There isn’t much to splatter painting. Just get a lot of paint on the brush and let your inner Pollock free! I ended up just using the brushes that came with the nail polish, the extra sets were mostly unnecessary but might work better for writing in paintIn haste I used White-Out to personalize the piece. I wouldn’t do that again, at least not with a sponge tip.

Et Voila!

 Z

DIY NYE

Listen: Texas girls do not do their own hair.

As Truvy Jones says:

I don’t trust anyone who does their own hair; I don’t think it’s natural.

That’s because it’s not, honey. Granted this was a Louisianan’s quip, but when it comes to hair, we two states share a lot of cultural similarities.

DIY is reserved for holiday parties, gift baskets to the troops overseas, and other arts and crafts we post on Pinterest. Most of us were Girl Scouts and/or went to camp, after all. So while we may oooh and ahhh over Princess Kate—especially now that she’s going to have a baby!!—there are no translations for her at-home beauty regime in our particular English-language dialect.

But what’s a girl to do on New Year’s Eve when all the salons are booked and some are even closed because it’s a Monday? I won’t even say it…it’s just too shameful to type.

But I will say this: the really difficult thing about giving yourself a blowout is that by the time you get to the crown, your arm is so tired that it’s a real coup to get that salon-quality height. But I did it, like a good Texan girl, because my women-folk were pioneers and I have hardship in my blood.

Some pre-party preps that aren’t hard as hair? Here’s my favorite:

Bliss Hot Salt Scrub

 

Slough off 2012 and watch your skin sparkle like a midnight toast of bubbly. It’s manufactured in several scents, but the eucalyptus is especially refreshing on the last day of the year. At Neiman Marcus Stores.

 

If your face is feeling snubbed scrubbed from the exfoliation fest, extend a last minute invitation to the pamper party with Philosophy’s Microdelivery Peel:

 

Philosophy Microdelivery Peel

 Philosophy products available At skinstore.com

And once you’re done rubbing it all in, your fingers deserve some love too:

Ciaté Sequined Mani Kit

 

Completely ridiculous, but so festive! And an upside: if you still don’t know what you’re going to wear when the clock strikes 12, you at least know your manicure will match. At Sephora stores and online at sephora.com

So who needs salons, really? Looking good doesn’t have to be costly, y’all. If indeed we do fall over the fiscal cliff in 2013, let’s make like 2012’s London gymnasts and tumble in style. I’m wiggling my glittery little finger at you, former Soviet states. You ladies always have the most glitter in your hair, what’s up with that?

Happy New Year! 

Z

And Today’s Issue is Skirted, by Kanye West

Kanye West is not known for being timid—at Hurricane relief drives or anywhere. 

Taking the mic last night for musical rather than conversational purposes, West nonetheless managed to shock the viewers of the 12-12-12 Concert—which benefited Hurricane Sandy relief efforts—by appearing on stage in a hoodie, a leather skirt, and leather leggings.

  

 

My first thought (vocalized): “What is Kanye wearing?”

Second: “Didn’t I see the Man Repeller wearing a very similar outfit last year?”

Third (also vocalized): “I actually kind of like this.”

And a lingering thought: Is this actually shocking? Sure, it’s not the norm for Western men to wear skirts, but it’s not unheard, and in a world that is becoming increasingly less gender-biased, in a society in which the ditching of gender-specific anything is becoming more and more popular, does it matter if West wears a skirt? If women can wear pants, why can’t men wear skirts?

Clearly Kanye is trying to be edgy/artistic/trendy/whatever. For me, it was just the latter—the ‘whatever’—mixed with a bit of the third.

Perhaps my quick acceptance and dismissal of Kanye’s Sandy look is a peculiarity of my generation, or maybe it’s a hangover from a liberal arts education (thumbs up for the Caravaggio hoodie, K!) heavy in the reading of Judith Butler. Whatever the reason, I can’t acknowledge Kanye as a trendsetter. Although he certainly has us talking, he didn’t start the dialogue—that wouldn’t be like him. Kanye’s an interjector, an exclamation point, and, following Roger Daltrey’s bare chested number, a much welcomed dose of Givenchy. 

Final question: Was it a [w]rap skirt Kanye wore??

Ho ho ho…you know I can’t resist a pun.

Z

Charles Philip Shanghai <3

New shoes always make me happy, and these smoking slippers from Charles Philip are just the bee’s knees.

Happy Friday!

available at Neiman Marcus Stores, NeimanMarcus.com, and ShopBop.com

 

Z

Last Night at Fashion Houston

Fashion Houston, the Bayou City’s version of fashion week, concluded it’s third season this evening at the Wortham Center, and I was fortunate enough to attend the final show (though not fortunate enough to take any really great pictures, so please excuse the amateur quality of my iPhone shots.)

The four-day run of the three-year-old showcase ended on a strong foot, with Monique Lhuiller sending her Spring 2013 RTW down the runway while a soundtrack akin to spa music–if spa music had bass–and a bold water colored screen–the hues of which made me inexplicably uneasy–facilitated the environment.

I didn’t love it, but I’ll forgive it because the clothes were phenom. More structural, graphic pieces were balanced with the delicate gowns for which Lhuillier is known, some of which bordered on otherworldly.

 

 

 

 

 

The collection was also huge on peplums, which continues to be a strong trend for spring:

 

 

all individual Runway photos courtesty of Style.com. See the full collection here.

 

ZB

 

Prêt à Part-ay: Election Day Dressing 2012

 

November 6: Federal Election Day has arrived, but America’s real Decision 2012 is What To Wear To the Party. If you didn’t cast your ballot early and are still flip-flopping on your choices, stop it. That style is out of season. Put these on instead:

No doubt, Kansas loves its red Choos

 

Click your heels to the left?

Jimmy Choo and Miu Miu, Both at Net-a-Porter.com 

 

* * *

And what’s better than a Little Black Dress? A Little Red Dress—which is just as much a wardrobe staple as anything, and perfect for reuse (you’re a Republican, after all) at holiday gatherings. Or, if you’re the opposing party, an LBlueD:

 

 

* * *

 

If you’re keeping Mumm until the nighttime toast, take the politics out of the party and show love for your country in these non-partisan pants:

 

Or do it loud and proud in Catherine Malandrino’s so-bad-it’s-great American flag shift:

 

And just for kicks:

Jeffrey Campbell, El Carmen Platform

 

 

Oh and lest we forget—Green Party, your color is so in right now.

 

* * *

 

Wherever you are this fine American Tuesday–be it the Hill, the Rockies, the Great Plains, etc.–make the choice that fits you the best. What you do today could determine the next four years of your life.

Seriously, it takes that long to forget a bad outfit. 

 

xo Z

Primary Colors, Shanghaia

 

Seeing Red/Stars, Huangshan